Well I did I put my foot down to my youngest child.  Something to the effect of "it's time to get a job and start contributing financially and by the way how about doing some chores."  His response was to take his girlfriend and move out.  Oh well, the only bad thing is she moved here to escape that life and he moved her back into it.  It was rough at first.  I agonized whether I was being too hard, but have ultimately decided that mom can no longer be a doormat for her children.  So gradually I am accepting that I have a right to be respected.  So now it's dad and me and the little foster kiddos.  We are selling this big house and going to rent a smaller one.  It is just way too big.  And then in about three years we are moving back to Louisiana which I think of as my home, so once the changes sink in and I begin living this new chapter in my life, I think it will all be good.

I have recently discovered that at this moment in time I am basically unemployable.  I am nine classes away from obtaining my Bachelors degree.  Any job that I might apply for in my chosen career, I get beaten out by those with either more experience and/or a degree.  Any job that I apply for otherwise says that I am overqualified and they don't want to be a step-up, so they won't even give me an interview in most cases.  I have never thought that this would be a problem, so I am somewhat taken aback to say the least. 

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough

Remember the mayonnaise jar...and the coffee...  

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full.  They agreed that it was.  So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly.  The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.  The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous "yes."  The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

 

"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, " I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things:  God, family, your children, your health, your friends, and your favorite passions--things that if everything else were lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, and your car. The sand is everything else--the small stuff.  "If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children.  Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner.  Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.  "Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

 

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.  The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee (or tea) with a friend."

 

I feel like I am in a strange place.  I killed off my daughter emotionally and I feel the void but yet know instinctively that it is not safe for me to try to fill it by dealing with her anymore.  It's very strange, at this point in my life I feel in kind of a limbo...it's like I know that I am alive, but I don't feel that way and I don't believe it is just because of her, I feel like I am on the edge of knowing just who I am and where I am supposed to be going.  It's like when that word is at the tip of your tongue but you just can't seem to process it yet and it's frustrating as heck.  But hey I am alive and searching..........

I just love Grey's anatomy.  It reaches me on so many levels.  I cannot wait for the series premiere this week.  I haven't been so hooked since the Dallas days (boy am I old).  It's all the real personas with real feelings, desires and conflicts.  Also with Izzie there is a supermodel with a brain which I just love and I just can't hate her for being beautiful.  So anyways there is my one weakness...........grey's anatomy.